“Mr. P., your class is not as much fun as it was last year.”
And with that sentence a figurative sword pierced my heart.
I, as with most educators, am always walking the tightrope of attempting to present lessons that are: informative; relevant; age and grade level appropriate; interesting; participatory-friendly and fun.
Some students, who love the class subject, will eat every morsel of the session and beg for more. Others, due to their lack of interest in the subject, factors going on in their personal lives and/or adolescent rebellion, will scream, “BORING!” every chance they get.
‘Without figuratively crying on your shoulder being an educator is more complicated these days than it has ever been.
A not very funny joke that I speculate that millions of educators had either verbally expressed and/or thought is “education would be wonderful if it wasn’t for the lack of funding, administration and the parents.”
We educators suit up for daily battle armed with our passion for our subject matter, attempting to make a difference in the lives of our students and fighting fiercely to protect them from all that seek to harm them.
When those same students tune us out or verbally protest our carefully planned lesson, it hurts, no matter how we try to not to take it personally.
Below is a post from vocal.media/education that discusses the educators’ dilemma of “if you prick us, do we not bleed?” and the roles of voices and actions from within and beyond the walls of the educational facility that can add to the pain.
Teachers Have Feelings Too
A note to parents that your influence has impact on your child at home as well as your student you send to school everyday
By Caroline
“It’s not like you even care about me.” Student A said, or rather, yelled across the room at me as I stood behind my podium, entering grades and observing the student collaboration on the day’s activity. The students were preparing for debates to be held the following week, and unfortunately Student A was given an alternative assignment due to inappropriate class behavior and incompletion of class/homework assignments.
Trust me, I didn’t like giving Student A the alternative assignment. In fact, I was almost sick to my stomach moments before telling Student A that they would not be participating in the debate because I knew what the reaction would be. I almost went back on my word and spent the first 15 minutes of class debating whether or not to just let Student A participate anyway so I wouldn’t have to deal with the repercussions. But then I had to remember as an equitable teacher, how that wouldn’t be fair to the other students who had been following the expectations, both academically and with their behavior.
The week leading up to the debate, as anticipated damage control, I sent an email home to parents and read the email out loud to my classes explaining how “if students are unable to complete the academic obligations and are disrespectful to teachers or peers, they will not participate in the actual debate.” I sent it, I said it, and I meant it… so when it came down to it, I also had to follow through with it.
But ouch. Those final words were the icing on the cake, the cherry on top, the tip of the iceberg. Other comments, actions and situations occurred leading up to the above statement, but before I knew it, I was turned away from the students and looking intently at my computer screen, holding back tears. Yes, me, the teacher, holding back tears in front of 25 of my students.
Why? Because, I, the teacher, am also human. And to hear a student go to the extent of shouting out how I don’t care about them (after calling me “bruh”, tearing up their work and throwing it in the trash, and flat out saying “no, I will not do my work”), hit me like kryptonite.
Why? Because I do care. I care. I care. I care. I actually care so much that to have any student realistically think I don’t care about them, almost physically hurts me. I didn’t feel my blood boiling out of anger, but the shivers up and down my body from just helplessness and like I had just been gut-punched. Because as a teacher, it is embarrassing to stand there and take one student acting out so disrespectfully in front of the other students whom you had created relationships with throughout the year.
Why? Because teachers don’t have the rights or trust we used to, or that society think we do from schools and/or parents. We say the “wrong” thing, we get in trouble. We show too much affection, we get in trouble. We show too little affection, we get in trouble. We call one student out “too much”, we get in trouble. We don’t show enough attention to one student, we get in trouble. And who has been a strong deciding factor in this forced acceptance and/or lack of authority and defense toward the disrespect of students and necessary damage control in classroom activities? Parents.
Sadly, it stems from the influence and biases of parents. Parents either have too much support from schools that they think they can say and expect whatever they want with no empathy toward the teachers, or they don’t have enough support from schools to where they form their student as a victim. Parents have the tendency to turn their student into the victim, either unintentionally or intentionally based on their own feelings and opinions. As much as that can be hard to do, they need to let their students form their own opinions. Especially about others. Especially about their teachers. They need to understand that when they influence their student to make the teacher as the bad guy or not rightfully authoritative, they come back to school acting on just that biased idea.
Even some parents who are teachers themselves use words in emails like “punish”, “singled out” and “shuttered self-esteem”, when describing the hearsay, one-sided and skewed version of a situation that occurs in the classroom when they go home and have to explain why they were in trouble/received a bad grade. And they know. They know what we go through day to day. They know there are always two sides to every story and yet, some parents can’t seem to rationalize that the teacher could perhaps be telling the truth. Of course, this is not all parents, but definitely enough. Just enough.
In fact, it has been shown that the average consecutive years that a teacher stays in the teaching profession before switching careers is five years, one of the key factors being parents as their reason for leaving education. It is sad to hear, but also sadly true.
So, to the parents who aren’t in the classroom with your student/child for 8 hours a day:
We wouldn’t be doing this job if it weren’t for our passion. We don’t get paid enough and we don’t get enough credit for the multi-tasking, brain stimulating and pulled-in-different-directions mindset that we have to endure on a daily basis. Not that I am complaining… it is the truth.
And we do know your child. And we know your student. We see them, hear them, teach them and we are with them 8 hours a day. We see what triggers them, what provokes them, and what shuts them down. We see what motivates them, what interests them and what helps them. We know who they interact with, what subject they like and what their hobbies are. We actually know your child very well and are grateful to know them as more than a student.
As amazing as it sounds that teachers are supposed to be these emotionally unaffected, poker faced, mind reading superheroes, we aren’t. Not always anyway… We too have feelings, and sometimes we too get our feelings hurt. Sometimes a student or parent will push us so far over the edge that we have to show our kryptonite, that is, embarrassment and hurt feelings.
So, all that is asked, is for understanding, some patience and trust. Please understand that we want what is best for every student and child, and that we do not (or intend to) single anyone out. Please understand that not only are we expected to be patient but hope parents can be patient with us too. And lastly, please trust that we are in this profession for the right reasons, and that our passion for students and education, experiences and skills set have and do prepare us every day to do our absolute best in preparing your child for the successes and growths necessary to take on the future!
# # #
On the glass half fun side of the same subject coin last week we presented a lesson called, to borrow titles from improvisational theatre games, “Sunshine and Puppydogs” and “What’s Stuck in Your Craw?” to an educational organization that we visit once a week.
The students were really into it and the educator that sits in on our classes expressed how much she enjoyed the sessions.
Obviously, we hope that all our lessons are received that positively, but realistically we understand that for a multitude of reasons, they won’t be.
I have done my best to evolve as an educator and realize that as the best-selling book, “The Four Agreements,” specifically the “Personally” section states, “Don’t take anything personally: Don’t let what others say or do control you or define your values.”
That, of course, is when my rational brain is functioning and not that pesky emotional brain.
The challenge continues.